#9 The Four Agreements - Reflections on Leadership

The Four Agreements

Last spring, I read The Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz. Although I've read numerous books on leadership and values over the years, the simplicity of this one hit home. I've reflected upon them when I feel challenged, when I need to have a difficult conversation, when I speak up or when I need to stay quiet, when I've wanted to remind my brother about a childhood squabble (yes, even now at my age 🤣).

This blog post has no reminders or must do's - only reflections on the part of leadership that is about our deeply held beliefs and the relationships we have with ourselves and with others. (Well, maybe Leadership on the Line is one of those because I refer back to it also!) 

As the excitement of the first five weeks of school subside - with opening and setting up systems and structures - we now move into the cooler weather, less daylight, and the serious work of teaching and learning. I hope you have some time to read this at your leisure over the weekend or next week and think about referring back to these four agreements when times are difficult or challenging. 

Summary and Reflections:

Be impeccable with your word. 

"Speak with integrity. Say only what you mean. Avoid using the word to speak against yourself or to gossip about others. Use the power of your word in the direction of truth and love."

• For many reasons from fear to not wishing to injure a relationship, I've avoided giving feedback, or when I do, it's unclear or not direct enough. The other person deserves to hear the feedback; if you don't address an issue and it arises again, who's problem is it now?
• Sometimes I perseverate on a past mistake. We can't change the past, only the future. So, bringing up past mistakes, our own or others, is an injury to our self or the other person. We need to forgive ourselves and others, and try to do better next time.

Don't make assumptions. 

• This is so hard in practice even though you see "Assume positive intent" in most organizations. I am guilty of generating conflict by thinking I know someone else's intent or reasoning. Slowly, I've learned to be less self-assured and better at asking questions. I try to stay low on the ladder of inference. Assumptions set me up for CONFLICT. Don't assume others know what you want; don't assume you know what others want. You always have the right to ask (and so do they). The other has the right to say yes or no (and so do you). 

Don't take anything personally. 

"Nothing others do is because of you. What others say and do is a projection of their own reality. When you are immune to the opinions and actions of others, you won't be the victim of needless suffering. By taking things personally, you set yourself up to suffer for nothing Humans are addicted to suffering at different levels and degrees and we support each other in maintaining those addictions."

• Taking things personally leads to unnecessary drama! Remember: Nothing others do is because of you.
• Talk to the person you feel has injured or harmed by - most of the time you will learn that their actions have nothing to do with you.

Always do your best.  

"Our best changes from moment to moment; it will be different when you are tired as opposed to well-rested. Simply do your best, and you will avoid self-judgment, self-abuse, and regret. All anyone can expect is for you to do your best."

• Many of you go out of your way to follow all the rules, not offend others, or measure up to some impossible standard. Make your decisions and actions about doing the best for your community at the time. Later, take a moment to reflect, but stop the shoulda, woulda, coulda and do your best tomorrow. Make the best decision you can today, and do your best tomorrow.